How talking about suicide can save a life

Some people think they should remain silent if they suspect their loved one is contemplating suicide. They fear that bringing up thoughts of suicide might worsen the situation or even plant the idea in a loved one’s mind.

While I understand why some might hold this belief, I assure you this is not the case. If you think a Veteran you know may be considering suicide, engaging in an open and honest conversation could be lifesaving.

The following is information you need to know before talking about suicide and some ideas of what to say to get the conversation going.

What to know before starting the conversation

The most important thing to understand is that asking if someone is having thoughts of suicide won’t give them the idea or increase their risk. It may seem daunting, but it could save their life.

Here are some things to keep in mind when you’re having the conversation:

• Make supportive and encouraging comments.
• Don’t ask invasive personal questions.
• Don’t inject judgment or emotion in the conversation. Stay calm.
• Listen more than you speak. Don’t dominate the conversation.
• Remind them you’re there for them. Let them decide how much to share.

How to take a free training that can help you support a Veteran

Now that you understand how to frame the conversation, you can find more ways to be prepared by taking VA S.A.V.E. Training.

VA S.A.V.E. Training is a free, brief, online or in-person course that will help you act with care and compassion if a Veteran you care about is having thoughts of suicide. The acronym S.A.V.E. helps you remember the important steps involved in suicide prevention:

• Signs of suicidal thinking should be recognized.
• Ask the most important question of all. Are you thinking of killing yourself?
• Validate the Veteran’s experience.
• Encourage treatment and expedite getting help.

How to start the conversation

For a Veteran in crisis—whose emotional struggles and health challenges may lead to thoughts of suicide—conversations and connections can mean the difference between keeping them safe and a tragic outcome.

If you or the Veteran aren’t in immediate danger, start a conversation by asking questions like:

• “It sounds like you’re feeling so incredibly (insert appropriate feeling here — trapped, overwhelmed, betrayed, etc.). Sometimes when people feel this way, they think about suicide. Is this something you’re thinking about?”
• “When did you first start feeling like killing yourself?”
• “Did something happen that made you begin to feel like taking your life?”

How to respond to a Veteran during the conversation

When responding to a Veteran, remember simple, reassuring feedback goes a long way in showing support and encouraging help-seeking:

• “I’m here for you. How do you hurt and how can I help?”
• “Can we talk for a while and see if we can find a way to keep you safe right now?”
• “I might not be able to understand exactly what you’re going through or how you feel but I care about you and want to help.”

What to do after you both speak

After the conversation, if you think the Veteran is still at risk for suicide, inform them they can Dial 988 then Press 1 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line or ask if they’d like to call together. You can also chat at VeteransCrisisLine.net/Chat or text 838255 to reach qualified responders ready to listen and help.

Talking about suicide can feel overwhelming but you could help save a life

It’s tough to talk about suicide, but you don’t have to be a mental health professional to have an impact. Although many people may not show clear signs of intent to kill themselves, they’ll likely answer direct questions about their intentions when asked.

Here are some important things to remember from this article:

• Everyone has a role to play in suicide prevention. Small actions like starting a conversation can make a big difference for Veterans having thoughts of suicide.
• You don’t have to be an expert to talk to a Veteran facing challenges. You just need to show genuine care and concern.
• Even if the Veteran doesn’t ask for support, they may need it. Make sure they know the Veterans Crisis Line is available 24/7 to help during a crisis.

If you think the Veteran you care about is considering suicide, now is the time to start the conversation.